Began December 1999. There's lots of sites and I can't keep up with them all but
maybe this will help.
- Try this website- www.youcanhelpkids.org
- Here's an excellent
passage on alcohol and drugs from Kent Nernburg's book "Letters to
my Son" I highly recommend it. Read it to your kid or give it to him to
read. Better yet..do one chapter at a time.
- What do you want your kid to grow up and be? Happy, good, successful?
Here's a great
article (pdf file) by Rev Tony Campolo about raising your kids to be GOOD!
Forget happiness as we should all know how illusive that can be.
Tue, 11 Apr 2000 US: Study
Says Drug Message Resonates. More
parents are speaking frankly with their children about drugs, but many
of them fear - incorrectly - that the message is not getting through,
Fri, 10 Mar 2000 US NH: A
Drug-free Pact For Parents, Students This
is PACT's third year in Nashua, a series of three conferences that are
designed to promote better communication and tighter relationships
among children and their parents.
Tue, 08 Feb 2000 US TX: For
Kids, By Kids - Teens Create Program To Fight Drugs "We
had no idea at the beginning (what to do)," admitted Sara DeWitz, 17, who
was chosen to help create and implement the program.
"Our goal was to keep kids off drugs, which was quite a lofty one."
Thu, 18 Nov 1999 US: OPED: Dear
Parents With Foggy Memories: Please Don't Pretend YOU NEVER INHALED
Good article here. GOOD ENOUGH” PARENT, A DRUG-FREE
also Paul Harvey notes--good advice on what we should
be making our kids do.
Require parental education courses in order to receive a marriage license.
Make divorce more difficult by requiring counseling. Do away with this
no-fault divorce. Do a better job of parenting. Realize that our goal is
to raise a responsible adult, not a perpetual child.(John
rosemond). Help single people with the awesome and overwhelming responsibilities
of raising children. (Andrea Engber-single
mothers and also women
for fatherhood). Provide drug education (parenting
A DRUG-FREE CHILD
By Ronald K. Lean
On an excursion recently with my 14 year old son, he presented
a rare and wonderful gift. He complimented me on being a good father. He
compared me to friends’ fathers. One friend’s father lives in another state
and had little to do with his son. Another friend’s father was always drinking.
One father was always angry. Lastly, one father let his son do anything
he wants to do.
I really could not believe I had heard my son correctly on
this last point.
“Do you mean I am a good father because I don’t let you
do everything you want to do?” “That’s right,” he said. “You don’t let
me do everything because you care.”
I do not pretend to be a perfect parent. I have made my share
of mistakes and will make many more. Parenting is the hardest job ever
trusted to amateurs. Thankfully, our children only need “good enough” parenting
and nothing more, according to D.W. Winnicott, psychiatrist and child analyst.
Being a “good enough” parent does not insure drug-free children.
It is an
avenue to good parent-child relationships. These relationships
produce emotionally healthy children who do not want or needs drugs to
deal with life.
Listed below are guiding principles for such relationships.
The guidelines seem
simple. They require a lifetime of conscientious practice:
Be involved. Being there for and with our children
is the foundation of healthy
attachments. Such emotional investments in one another are
children’s self-respect and respect for others.
Listen. Listen to your children’s stories. Hear facts,
feelings, criticisms, and compliments. Show interest in what is
important to your children.
Teach. Many of life’s important lessons should be
taught through explicit instructions. “This is right. This is
wrong. No.” Teach by example. If you do not want your child
to use drugs (including alcohol, nicotine, caffeine), do not use them yourself.
Nurture Closeness within the Family. While closeness
is nurtured through age appropriate involvement with
children, the family’s shared faith, meaningful traditions
and rituals (for instance, holiday activities), and fun help children a
sense of belonging which is crucial to self-esteem.
Foster Independent Thinking and Action. Healthy families
give children “roots (belonging) and wings (independence).”
Provide age appropriate choices, provide positive
feedback for good choices, and learn to tolerate your children’s healthy
choices that are not necessarily consistent with your own. Thomas Jefferson
once said, “In matters of style, swim with the current; on matters of
principle, stand like a rock.” While this is a good guideline for dealing
with children, it is sometimes difficult to know when an issue is more
of style or principle.
Love. The greatest gift that you give your children
is to love yourself and love their other parent. If you cannot
love your spouse of ex-spouse, then treat that person with
civility and respect. Recognize and acknowledge what is good in your child.
Hold you child responsible for breaches of family rules. Be willing to
forgive. Be willing to ask for forgiveness. Remember to forgive yourself
for your own mistakes. Always remember The Parent’s Prayer: “Dear Lord,
If this is a test, please grade me on the curve, Amen.”
In following these guidelines, you will provide a “good enough”
relationship with your children, good enough to increase their chances
of a drug-free life, good enough for your children to be glad that you
are his or her parent.
Ronald K. Lean, Ph.D., LCSW is a psychotherapist in private practice
Reprinted from The Next Step, October/November, 1996 Posted
Return Home Page-tommy jones
From Paul harvey
Paul Harvey Writes:
> We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made
> them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better. I'd really like
> to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover
> meatloaf sandwiches. I really would. I hope you learn
humility by being
> humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated. I hope you
> to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car. And I really
> nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen. It will be
> at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to
> hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in. I
> have to share a bedroom with your younger brother. And it's all right
> you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he
> crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let
> When you want to see a movie and your little brother wants to tag
> hope you'll let him. I hope you have to walk uphill to school with
> friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
> days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver
> drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone
> as your Mom. If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you
> make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt
> read books. When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn
> and subtract in your head. I hope you get teased by your friends
> have your first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother
> you learn what ivory soap tastes like. May you skin your knee
> mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen
> flagpole. I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with
> and go fishing with your Uncle. May you feel sorrow at a funeral
> during the holidays. I hope your mother punishes you when you
> baseball through you neighbor's window and that she hugs you and
> at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
> things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work
> happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life. Send
this to all
> of your friends who mean the most to you. We secure our friends not
> accepting favors but by doing them. Paul Harvey